


Calling Out to Heaven, Crawling Down Through Hell.

by regishel



Category: Latter Days (2003)
Genre: Depression, Diary/Journal, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mentions of a Suicide Attempt, Metaphors, Musicians, Not Really Character Death, POV Julie Taylor, Writer's Block
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-19 14:09:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22178773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regishel/pseuds/regishel
Summary: When Christian is told that Aaron has taken his own life, his guilt almost kills himand Julie, his best friend and roommate is feeling his depression first hand,to the point that she gets writer's block and can't write any songs,until she accidentally reads Chris's diary.
Relationships: Aaron Davis/Christian Markelli (Implied/referenced), Julie Taylor & Christian Markelli
Kudos: 2





	Calling Out to Heaven, Crawling Down Through Hell.

**Author's Note:**

> For months Christian thought Aaron had taken his own life because of what he did and this is Julie's POV on what happened at that time in the movie.
> 
> I wrote this when I should have been sleeping.

It was supposed to have been just a fun bet, seduce the Mormon boy, but Chris lost his heart to Aaron and now Aaron is lost to the world.  
Sometimes I blame myself for being selfish, I look at how much Chris is suffering and just want to shake him out of his funk!  
The air in the house is thick with his dark sadness and it spills out on anyone who enters the room, it's suffocating  
but I can't make myself pull him out of his grief, even if I so desperately want to give him some tough love, slap him across the face and tell him to wake up.  
But that wouldn't really help, would it?  
Day in and day out, he works and goes home, nothing more nothing less.  
His life died with Aaron, buried somewhere in Idaho.  
I look at Chris and don't see any one looking back.  
I can't tell him how much it bothers me, how much it makes me feel empty, seeing him suffer.  
If I did he would just feel even more guilty  
if that's even possible.  
I sit on the floor with my pen in my hand,  
but no words come out.  
Only thing I can think of is that Chris is sitting in the living room and just staring at a wall, he should be sleeping but he isn't.  
And I'm staring at my blank paper, waiting for something to change, but I know it's not.  
Wanting it all to be like old days, before we ever met Aaron.  
Back before Chris fell for a lost boy from a small town.  
Back when a party meant never knowing what would happen, but always knowing your best friend would be there.  
Back when having fun meant, going out and never looking back.  
Having no fear and just being there.  
Looking at Chris now you wouldn't know it was the same guy.  
Sitting alone on the couch every day.

A fake smile creeps up on Christians face  
when I walk in and he makes a half hearted joke.  
"3 A.M. you slug."  
I look at him and I know he hasn't been sleeping for days, not well anyways.  
"I wish, no we were in the studio, I can't seem to come up with a song for the single."  
He doesn't look at me, I wonder if he's happy that I got back, that he knows he isn't alone.  
"You?" I ask.  
"Couldn't sleep."  
Then silence creeps up on us both and I don't know what to say, I never know what to say.  
Not anymore.  
"So what, you sit here in the dark?"  
I ask accusingly, I know he's been sitting here alone in the dark for hours  
and I shouldn't be angry, but It's frustrating not knowing what to do, how to help him.  
"Hi, let's just say fuck the no carbs thing and let's go out, eat pancakes till we choke?"  
I see him thinking it over, for a moment I think he might say yes but...  
"Nah, I just think I'm gonna go back to bed."  
and that's when he walks out of the room and leaves me to myself.  
So I sit on the couch and sigh in defeat, but something is sticking out under the couch cushion  
it's Christians phone  
it opens up randomly and I look at the screen  
and I read the first words "Tuesday, 3 A.M."  
As I realise it's Christian's dairy  
I can't look away and I see the mind of a lost boy.  
It's just a bunch of words, but they make me feel something deep inside,  
Christian's dairy is like puzzle pieces of a broken soul,  
I feel what he feels and it finally makes me write things down,  
it makes me write feelings of loss and fighting to stay sane in a cruel world that takes a man much too soon  
and about a lost friend I don't know how to reach  
hours go by without me thinking about anything other then wanting this to be just right,  
I write until it's day and the sun is shining on my cheek  
but then finally satisfied, I see the song in my hand and I feel happy with myself, happy with my work, happy that I did it, happy that it's done.  
but then the second is over and reality strikes, how am I going to tell Christian?

I look at him, but can't say the words, I know I need to say it, but his lost eyes make my heart break again.  
I can't tell him what I did even though I know I should.

"Tuesday, 3 A.M.,  
Once again I'm wide awake.  
Waiting for time to mend this part of me  
that keeps on breaking.  
Newspapers I threw away,  
washed the dishes in the sink.  
3 AM on Tuesday,  
I have too much time to think.  
And I could call up to heaven,  
or I could crawl down through hell,  
Nothing will change the way things are  
and nothing ever will.  
He thinks I can't hear him cry  
and I pretend that I don't know,  
or about all the 3 AM's he spends  
wrestling with your ghost.  
I hear him call out to heaven,  
I watch him crawl down through Hell,  
He still can't get over you,  
I know he never will.  
Nothing he says will bring you back,  
He's got nothing left to show  
But a pocket watch  
and memories  
of a kiss out in the snow.  
And I hear him call out to heaven,  
I watch him crawl down through Hell.  
He still can't get over you,  
I know he never will.

I hear him call out to heaven,  
I watch him crawl down through Hell.  
He still can't get over you,  
I know he never will."

**Author's Note:**

> The Song "Tuesday, 3 A.M." was written by C. Jay Cox and was performed and song by the actor playing Julie Taylor.
> 
> Thank you for reading  
> And comments are always appreciated


End file.
